Apparently, everyone in my freaking house is depressed today, me included! And I went an a massive, 2-hour walk <i>in the fucking rain!!</i> So then I was soaked. God, it is so hard to make capital letters on this goddamn new keyboard! Honestly, tho, that's not the worst thing that's bothering me. I have to read 5 chapters of Frankenstein and annotate it somehow, and write an outline for an essay on a book we already <b>finished.</b> Seriously, bitch should make up her mind! Are we reading one book or the other? Oh, and it's raining.
I know it's no fun for people to read about other people's lives of fail, but it helps the writer, yes? Plus, I got turned down, again, by a guy who didn't want to date me. Prolly shouldn't have <i>told</i> him so fucking early why I was still hanging around, but I'm one of those people who are able to be consoled for what they did do rather than for what they never did. Angsting over the embarrassment is better than angsting over the what-ifs. Still makes me want to cry even though I really haven't yet. No point. We're gonna stay friends. I wonder, tho, if I'll get another chance with that guy, now that he knows consiously why I'm talking with him at lunch and stuff. I was just getting so tired of him saying how hot some of these other girls were! I'm not that terrible, am I? But I see him as a lot more my equal - I don't think I would be taking advantage of him to work on him slowly. Sounds bad, doesn't it? But it worked on the last few. Friends first kind of thing. I just felt, like, threatened by all these other girls, who, if his last few tries on them are any indication, see him as like a little brother! I don't, and I just wanted to let him know that. But, hell, if he doesn't want to, I guess it's on to the next one. Maybe these adult's dating tips aren't the best for a minor. I mean, I'm a werid teenager, but I'm just getting so tired of doing this shit! I want it to just be easy, for the right person to just fall into my lap (doesn't everyone?) and I'd be willing to be patient with them, but I'm just tired of going out and getting more and more people, like some kind of carnival game. Like those hit-the-stack-of-bottles games. Except you have to go hunt thru the entire park for the balls and there's not hints or clues or gurantee they'll still be there and someone else hasn't taken them while you've been looking, too! And then you have to take them and try to get them to play your damn game and some of them are just not going to do that, and some will and then just sort of fail.... it's enough to make you just want to go off the deep end.
I'm not pissed right now, no, but I'm willing to bite off the head of the next person to come by and annoy me. I feel all drained and empty and I just want everyone in the house to be gone, and no, idiot, I do not want to go swimming, why would I? I'm already all wet from walking in the fucking rain! And I hate showers! Well, most of the time. About twice a week. That's it. And geez, it's only like 1 in the afternoon! I think I'ma go watch Dark Knight again... hope that'll make me feel better.